| (no subject) |
[Jun. 23rd, 2009|05:18 pm] |
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The words in Anberlin songs speak of you from time to time. |
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| the boy with a coin |
[Jun. 21st, 2009|06:47 pm] |
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I need someone to lay on the grass with me and look at the clouds and make shapes... I'm still searching for my home... someone that warms my heart ... Its hard making others happy when you are not happy yourself.... I am happy with everything else in my life so why is it so hard to find someone that gets me... I have so much to say but I don't know how to say it... I want to read a book to someone as they fall asleep... and wake up to watch the sun rise on a Sunday... a home is where your heart feels complete... I used to have a home and I miss u sometimes still... lovin life but missing the boy with a coin |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 17th, 2009|04:36 pm] |
My heart is searching for its other peice... Its probably shaped in a little spoon...
I don't know how Ill feel when I find it but i'm scared I won't... I want to make someone else so happy... I hope destiny didn't forget me?
I guess I'll wait and save you a spot next to me |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 15th, 2009|07:50 pm] |
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Relationships between people is what life is about... missing the person...making them laugh...smile...and influence people in a positive way...I have myself to give.... its hard to make a relationship work when you dont know who u r....you can't give yourself tosomeone else when you need to know who you are... I know who I am now and who I'd like to grow to be and that makes me really happy..I honestly feel like i'm happy with myself and I can truly make someone else happy...I dont want money...I honestly don't need it....I want a snugg nest with someone.... a little shack hidden in the woods or on a beach |
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| mehhhh |
[Jun. 15th, 2009|07:33 pm] |
I have figured out that I need someone to push me to do amazing things... I'm trying to do that myself but I need someone to encourage me... encourage me to do random things and adventures together... I want to go to Utah and camp in my Grand Wagoneer... I want to go snorkel... I want to skydive (at least indoor skydiving) ...I thought I'd want to graduate college and start a career....I can't yet...I need to wake up next to someone and decide to drive away... I want to ride a horse... go climbing again.... I have so many things I want to do and your not in the same place... I ask you to do these things and you tell me I can do them if I want but you will just watch? no I cant do that and I can't force you to go camp or raft down a river... I love you! I really love you...I'm between I love you and I'm in love with you...I was in love with you before I discoverd you won't live your life... Id rather be alone than with someone that is afraid to live...
I felt like I lost everything important to me before... and I'v worked hard to get back who I'v wanted to be and how I want to treat people in my life...I love making people laugh and feel great about who they are...I need a man to compliment that |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 14th, 2009|02:02 pm] |
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I have everything ive wanted and i'm still missing something.... i dont know what... I'm in love but it feels different... your my best friend so i dont know what else i need... it seems like if you lost me you would be fine....maybe i'm the problem... i'm scared i'll never feel the love i'm looking for again... I want someone to tell secrets to and to love and someone that likes me writing soap messages on the mirror... you never leave me soap messages... this distance is hard and it feels like ur distant even when i'm next to you.... i'm trying ....i need someone to get in the car and drive with... it doesn't matter where we go... i need you to look at me and say oh my god i cant beleive your mine and i cant beleive I found you..... look at me and say oh my god your so beautiful u just don't do that and i cant make you... i'm scared no one can love me the way i want and i have sooo much love to give |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 11th, 2009|07:47 pm] |
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today has been a rollar coaster! I dont even know why.... nothing is going wrong in my life? I'm scared this isn't gonna work out and it will end up being another waste of time... my heart can't take another dissapointment.... its hard giving you my heart... i'm really trying to be the best for you... it scares me knowing what my life was like 5 yrs ago and the things that i thought were so real are gone....if that happens again that means your just another thing thats going to be 5 yrs ago.... I'm sry for the girl i was before... If I could I would go back and slap the girl i was... I wish I could see you and tell you how much ive changed and how much ive accomplished...i cant look back and think i didn't do enough in my life... I need someone to love me so much it hurts and honestly i'm scared it will pass me by... I need you to go on this adventure with me... this is difficult |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 28th, 2007|07:26 pm] |
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I feel like all I can do in this life is love...that's all that matters in the end... help eachother grow.... I wish you saw how much I have grown.... all I want is to share my life with someone I love so much I want to explode when we touch... just love that's all we can do |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 28th, 2007|06:39 pm] |
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I feel misunderstood.... I still have dreams of you and I hate it... I miss u and I can never tell you... that sparkle you gave me hasn't been found in ne one else.... I can't believe how fucking stupid I was... I can't believe some of the stupid things I did....I thought everyone else wasn't really love... I think of u sometimes and I just genuinly miss u sometimes.... whateve I guess??? I feel like I lost myself for a long time and now I'm back and ur still lost from me.... I'm sry |
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| what the fuck |
[Dec. 6th, 2007|05:26 pm] |
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I dunno what to do with u ne more... I love u but I can still just think of u kissing her right in front of my face... you couldnt even come downstairs when u knew I was crying... instead u slept next to her... I told myself to give this relationship a real chance and I dunno if I can when I keep thinking of you kissing her in front of me and I tried to hit you away and ask you what the fuck you were doing but you just shoved me away... how can i date someone that would do that! Iv felt what its like to be so in love and I dont think this is it... how can i beleive it when you say u love me when 10 min before u kissed her u were asking me not to move away from you... I thought I was going to die and all I wanted to do was call someone else and tell them i'm sry for being so stupid and I wanted to say that i have never stopped caring... oh my god what am I doing! Ikno this doesn't feel right and how do i tell you? bahhhhhhhhhhhhhh I shouldnt feel bad because u did this |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 5th, 2006|12:03 am] |
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tonight was the night to start over.. no more bullshit... im finaly happy. i made it thro the most shitty part of my life ... im so happy tonight |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 28th, 2006|11:15 pm] |
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i guess im breathing without oxygen |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 28th, 2006|11:07 pm] |
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i dont even want to acknowledge the fact that shes dying and the fact that i dont even kno what the last thing i said to her was...i cant even say bye |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 2nd, 2006|10:48 pm] |
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I'm stuck between two places... not even the two towns i know... you tell them the same things you have told me... u kiss them the same way... I'm not the same ne more but i thought it was better...i guess i thought i was better.. i'm trying to please everyone and i cant ne more....i dunno |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 1st, 2005|09:47 pm] |
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realising what I should have done when its way to late sucks.... what can I do? I hate myself right now, I hate the fucking pictures next to my bed that don't mean shit anymore...this shouldn't be hard ne more. Ive run out of things to say and I cant make you smile ne more so I give up on this |
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| testing the strong ones....... right? |
[Aug. 21st, 2004|08:15 pm] |
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tonight was a bad one....... i miss you more than ever, and i never knew the meaning of bitter sweet before now. i'm in a new place and i like the new people i hang out with but your always int he back of my mind so it feels like i canr put all of myself into something because i feel like i'm missing out on the best thing thats ever happend.... peopel dont understand why were still together because ur supposed to try new things in college, but i dont think they have found a love this strong, its not easy having people say its not going to last when this is all ive ever wanted.... i live off of loving you adam and you loving me.... people say everyone feels this way about people they date but i dont.. i love u too much to let this go , and it feels like everything is against us right now..... i've never felt so lonely before and yet i hang out with more people right now than i ever did in high school. i'm drunk and missing you.... vodka is the only thing that numbs the pain of you not being here and me not being there.....its riping me apart....everyone says they wanna marry the one thye are with right now , but this feels so different, i'm so certain were gonna be together and get married, that sounds so weird because we are so young, but life is to short to say ur not sure and hide the feelings you have because people tell you ur "too young", i'm so sure of us and our love we have.... it sucks right now but it will be worth this pain int he end..... i'm living for you, ur light is guiding me, and its so far away but i can still see it in my dreams..... "dreams are not as good as real life ", but they will due for now........ I love you so much it hurts, and i'm scared, and lonely, i dont know what to do, but ur my firefly and ur light will guide me...... i need u so bad right now, i see u in my dreams and its like my dreams are taunting me because i wake up and ur not next to me..... ur in my heart and i'll carry you always....... no one can tell me they are strong people until they deal with this..... i love you my kitty cAt, just remember that were always with eachother no matter how far away we may be.... i'm so proud of you and the person you are.....you are my oxygen |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 15th, 2004|03:41 pm] |
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I havn't drawn or painted all semester...I havn't felt like it and I don't know why. It scares me, I don't want to stop painting, but how can I if i never feel like. The whole reason i dropped out of my art class was to do it on my own, because its retarded to have a teacher correct something that you put yourself into, now i'm not even doing it, I don't wanna force myself to ...I lost what drove me, I dont even know what it was....I need inspiration |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 15th, 2004|02:28 pm] |
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I had a dream that i was in my high school and i was walking in the hall wearing almost nothing, I kept trying to cover myself up and I couldn't, the school was not really my high school but it felt like it. I was trying to hide myself and i couldn't and i kept thinking what if someone sees me like this? what the fuck am i going to do? I started to walk in this hall where the art rooms were, this girl that goes to my school named keri opened the door and she gave me this big sweater to put on so i could cover up, I can't remember if i said anything to her....I walked to the library and i was still trying to hide behind all the shelves. I saw these two guys that really go to my school walk by and they are considered "popular". I hide myself from them and i think i woke up after that.... the other Keri that was in my dream is a girl that ive kinda known since 6th grade, i just say hi to her sometimes in the hall when i see her, she was in my english class and a lot of kids made fun of her and I would stick up for her, she is considered a "weird nerd" by most of the kids at my school.... i have to think more about what this dream means....Me being almost naked means that i am vulnerable, and she gave me a giant sweater to cover that up........... |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 11th, 2004|08:47 pm] |
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I knew we were going to crash but we drove anyway.... |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 8th, 2004|06:26 pm] |
Person 1: I love this song turn it up
Person 2: yea this song is really good!
(both rock out for a few minutes)
Another person gets into the car
Person 2: hey whats up dude
Person 3: what the fuck are you listening to, god emo shit sucks
Person 2: yea i know lets turn it off |
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